Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Crushed beyond recognition.Hurt beyond expressions.Depressed without limits.The very beating of the heart,stopped as soon as those words rang inside my head.The essence of the human being,the soul,stabbed to its very depths,contaminating its very core,bringing to effect,a severe and critical condition,called "breakdown."
Lost in this state of mind,I'm dumbfounded as I hear helplessly,those words,echoing inside my head,bouncing around,leaving a deadly mark,eating through my flesh,bringing the most painful of all pains.My first reaction to it,were the signals that were sent out by the brain,carried into motion by the neutron cells,and finally,causing breakdown to occur.
My whole world came crashing around me,as I stood helplessly,as circumstances once again reared its ugly head.Taking over my life,it ripped apart,bit by bit,as my life begin to reveal its further course that it was heading to.Slowly,circumstances showed how ruthless it can be when the time comes for it to strike and release its venemous poison as its teeth sank deep into my skin.
In a state of shock and disbelief,I found it almost entirely impossible to accept it.A dagger,pierced through,and there to stay,as I tried in vain to dislocate it from my heart,but it stayed there,stuck,as I cried out in agony and in frustration.The dark shadow of depression began to take its toll on me,causing all kinds of negative thoughts to flow through my head.
This time,I was paralyzed,paralyzed with fear.All of a sudden,gloom entered in,and corrupted the whole system.The beautiful melodious music that once ran in my head,began to fade away,and disappear,as I let nature run its course.Where were all my best friends?With only Eu Jin,and my dearest cousin by my side,I was wondering just what happened to the others.
As she tried in vain to calm me down,keep me back on the right track,I couldn't believe that in time,I might lose her.With nowhere left to turn,I resided to my bed,and turned to my other outlet,tears.I just let it all go freely,as the tears just came down,and rolled onto my cheeks,leaving a trail of moist.But above all,those were the tears of sadness,grief,pain,anguish and plain heartache.
Pushed to my limits,I have finally reached breakdown point.More than ever,I need you to reassure me,to be there to hold my hand,to spend whatever time left we have together,to receive all this love that I have for you,and just to be by my side,as time catches up.More than ever,I wished with all my heart,that time would just stop right now.
Pain,grief-striken,hurt,anxiety,anguish,depression,worries,the melancholic sounds of a broken heart.They all fill the air,as I cry this tears of plain sadness.Let them roll down freely,expressing them out through an outlet,knowing that its all momentary,before I have the need to let it all out again.I just need to love you more and more.
-Matt-