Friday, September 29, 2006
So I'm just a pillow to soften your landing,then you throw me away?Piss off!Seriously,get a life.I don't care about you anymore.Just walk away.Turn your back on me.You guys are the reason why my life in college is such a bore.You're the reason why I don't believe in friends.If you ain't no best friend of mine,then piss off.Friends can't be relied on.Best friends are the only peeps worth living for. I'm tired of holding it all back in.You think cursing the whole day is cool?Let me tell you something.I'm disgusted with you peeps.Don't you friggin rope me in.I don't wanna be a part of you even if you paid me.Cursing are for wimps who have such a low friggin self-esteem.So you curse to look cool,but to me,you're just a bunch of losers. Left here without anyone to talk to.Viciously handicapped by this feelings that overwhelm and crush me.Been here,done that.Same old,same old.It all seems so familiar.Its like getting hit in the hand,and there's no friggin painkiller to sooth the pain.Just shoot me down.Hate me.Doesn't really matter anymore. -Matt-
Ready to be BBQ-ed.
BBQ-ing the food.
Had lunch at 1U after college at this Korean BBQ place.Pretty good.Went for a movie with Linda right after college,after lunch.Watched Miami Vice,and to be honest,it was pure disappointment.18SG,violent at certain parts,but still,nothing to shout about really.Thanks Linda for the lunch.You're the best.
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Loneliness creeps up and bites me in the neck.Its venom spreads through my body,running through my veins,and spreads its deadly effect on me.The unbearable pain and agony,the excruciating pain grips deep in,and refuses to let go of its deadly grip on me.Its fangs sinked deep down,oozing with deadly poison,killing me slowly,bit by bit.
I so hate lonely nights.It kills me so deep inside.Trapped in loneliness,like a rat,trapped in a mousetrap.The walls are closing in,I feel so small.Crushed,pushed into a corner,surrounded by empty rooms,only filled with echos,as I try to navigate my way out of it.Where's everyone?I don't wanna be alone.Am I too dependant on other peeps?
I don't care.To be honest,for the 1st time,I'm actually gonna say I hate you peeps.You guys sure are the best pretenders in the world.What's the use of having so many peeps on my friends list when all you guys is just shut yourself.Except for the few I constantly talk with,you pretenders never even bother to say hi.
This goes out to particularly you @#%#@$ in my college! I hate you pretenders!Stop pretending to be my friends,and ditch me when you don't need me.Stupidity rules your brains.I don't mind if you come to me,and ask for help,or advice,but when you're fine,I'm pushed aside?Who the heck do you think you are?
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Always wondered about the meaning of friendship.I never actually could grasp the meaning of friendship.Maybe because I had friends who only were there for me when I was down,and when I'm back up on my feet again,they seemed to have disappeared.Sounds familiar?You betcha!Chucked away just like that?I thought friends were suppose to be there all the time,not only when I'm needed.
I guess I was just a pillow to soften your fall,a listening ear to hear you out,and let you rant and rant about what you're going through,and the hand that finally supports you and pulls you up.After that what happens?I guess I disappeared?Pushed aside is more like it.I don't mind.Maybe I'm intruding?
This is 1 good example.Friendship ain't no 1 sided-thing.I hate it when I can't be there for you either.It just doesn't work that way.Well,if I'm to be a "side-order" thingy,I should be informed,and not requested to be a best friend.To be honest,I can pretend like I don't care,but I do.I thought we were moving back on track,but I guessed it was only temporary.
I guess the only thing I can say is,that I'll be here,even if I'm just a "side-order,"but if thats how things are going to be,then I'll have to settle for it.Maybe its the scars of the past thats getting in the way.I'll have to totally understand.Its just rather saddening to see the way how things are nowadays.
If this statement were true,there'll never be those loners that are ditched by friends,used by them,and backstabbed.Betrayed,and even worse,trashed about.Why am I getting sentimental and all?Its cause knowing the fact that we were best of friends,and knowing that it just might never work again.
Then,there's another part of friendship I don't get.Where did you disappear so suddenly?Without a trace at all?All I wanted was to be there for ya,but I guessed you never let me.We've even lost contact.What the heck?Maybe thats why I'm feeling a bit guilty.Have I been neglecting you?I really never meant to,but you made me feel guilty.
If I have disregarded,neglected,and abandoned you in any way,then I'm truly sorry.However,I'm presuming you really can't consider me as someone who'll always be there for you yet.I don't blame you then.I only hope,I can make it up to you,by being there for ya when you need me,even if you don' consider me as anything close to a buddy.
-Matt-
Monday, September 25, 2006
They say a picture is worth a thousand words.Don't feel like blogging much,so I'll just let the pics do the talking.Dedicated to my baby.I love you so much!Happy 1 month anniversary! =)
You've been awesome.Hopefully this will be the 1st of many to come.There are really too many things to say.No composition can contain what I have to say or how I feel.I'm just so thankful to God for you,because you're my biggest blessing I can ever have.Love you so much.
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Well,it is suppose to be a day to celebrate and stuff,but it got kinda messed up.Started out badly.Been thinking too much again.Can't really help it.Sorta went into depression,and so close to breaking down,but since its our special day,so I guess I have no right to stay this way.
Its gonna be a long day ahead.Monday's kinda suck cause there's literally nothing to do.Gotta do a bit of studying and all,I guess.Not only that,got scolding nicely from my dad 1st thing in the morning.Sigh...What a way to start the day.But its okay,since its our special day,I won't wanna spoil it.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!
-Matt-