Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Always wondered about the meaning of friendship.I never actually could grasp the meaning of friendship.Maybe because I had friends who only were there for me when I was down,and when I'm back up on my feet again,they seemed to have disappeared.Sounds familiar?You betcha!Chucked away just like that?I thought friends were suppose to be there all the time,not only when I'm needed.
I guess I was just a pillow to soften your fall,a listening ear to hear you out,and let you rant and rant about what you're going through,and the hand that finally supports you and pulls you up.After that what happens?I guess I disappeared?Pushed aside is more like it.I don't mind.Maybe I'm intruding?
This is 1 good example.Friendship ain't no 1 sided-thing.I hate it when I can't be there for you either.It just doesn't work that way.Well,if I'm to be a "side-order" thingy,I should be informed,and not requested to be a best friend.To be honest,I can pretend like I don't care,but I do.I thought we were moving back on track,but I guessed it was only temporary.
I guess the only thing I can say is,that I'll be here,even if I'm just a "side-order,"but if thats how things are going to be,then I'll have to settle for it.Maybe its the scars of the past thats getting in the way.I'll have to totally understand.Its just rather saddening to see the way how things are nowadays.
If this statement were true,there'll never be those loners that are ditched by friends,used by them,and backstabbed.Betrayed,and even worse,trashed about.Why am I getting sentimental and all?Its cause knowing the fact that we were best of friends,and knowing that it just might never work again.
Then,there's another part of friendship I don't get.Where did you disappear so suddenly?Without a trace at all?All I wanted was to be there for ya,but I guessed you never let me.We've even lost contact.What the heck?Maybe thats why I'm feeling a bit guilty.Have I been neglecting you?I really never meant to,but you made me feel guilty.
If I have disregarded,neglected,and abandoned you in any way,then I'm truly sorry.However,I'm presuming you really can't consider me as someone who'll always be there for you yet.I don't blame you then.I only hope,I can make it up to you,by being there for ya when you need me,even if you don' consider me as anything close to a buddy.
-Matt-