Saturday, September 09, 2006
Matt's Current Status
Level of energy: 30%(And dropping)
Responsibilities: Uncountable
Things in his mind: Too many to list down
Emo-ness level: HAZARDOUS level
Stress level: Rather HAZARDOUS as well
Tiredness: Pretty tired
Been a long day.Was in church the whole day.Was there from 9 in the morning till 6.Had missions training as well as worship practise.I've got nothing to do,except rant and rave about my day.What a whole load of things to do.I can't even enjoy my weekend properly because of my stupid English assignment.Keep thinking what to do for the stupid project.
Just thinking of what to do.Nobody's online to talk to.I miss all my chatting buddies.Is it gonna be another lonely night?Who knows.Just can't bear to face another week once the weekends are over.Its always gonna be lonely weeks,1 after another.Can't seem to mingle and mix with the peeps in college.
All my best friends aren't from college,and are not easily accessible.Nobody seems to share same interests and stuff.What happened to all my best friends?Feeling unloved and insecure again.Damn it! I miss you so badly.Can't think straight.Don't wanna face another week again,with nowhere to go,no one to turn to,and facing all that pressure and stress alone.
Horrible horrible feeling!A deep gap just calling my name,yearning for me to give in,and fall into the abyss of loneliness.Don't wanna give in,but it's enticing me into its grasp.Keep me next to you.I don't wanna fall,and face the possibility of getting up again,which is a near zero percent chance of succeeding.
Gasping,seeking for some attention,for some love,and wanting to know,that I'm still loved in this world.Gives me a sense of security,and comfort,to know that somebody loves me.Why must I feel this way?Why insecurity?I have no reason to feel this way.I have everything I could ever ask for to make me feel loved and comforted.Why should I be feeling this way?
Or maybe I do.Maybe I have valid reasons.The pasts still leaves its scars although life's looking up for me now.Emotional scars that torment me.The scars are the reason why I've become the walking zombie that I am today.Need time for the wounds and the scars to heal.Believing that it'll be soon.I really shouldn't feel insecure,lonely or even unloved.
Executing a rather weird,but effective therapy right now.Gotta love,love and love to totally crush all these feelings of insecurity,and the feelings of being unloved.Of course,it doesn't hurt knowing the fact that I'm being loved.Those our added bonuses.Something like nitrous oxide to a car.An energy or a turbo boost.Scars...Gotta get rid of them.I guess,there's 1 phrase thats really ringing in my head right now.
Live for the moment.
-Matt-