Thursday, September 14, 2006
As the wind blew against my face,I trudged on,along this lonely road that now lay in front of me.Walking on the same road for some time,I hated this feeling of being all alone,yet I couldn't help it.It was just because of circumstances,and it was beyond me to do anything.I was helpless,yet,I seeked a profound truth to curing it.
Walking with my head down in deep thought,I bumped into someone as I turned the corner. "Oops,sorry dear.I didn't see you." As I helped the poor soul up,the light revealed that it was a 'her'. "I'm sorry,I was in deep thought and I really didn't see you coming." In her soft but sweet voice,she replied "Its okay.I wasn't looking carefully either."
I insisted on helping her carry her groceries to her apartment to make up for my mistake.As we went along,we introduced each other,and soon found out,that she wasn't living that far away from my place.Though it was a short and brief chat,I could tell she was a really sweet person.After bidding goodbye,we went our separate ways.
From then on,I've met her almost every single day,because circumstances required me to walk to the bus stop everyday on my way to work.We had brief and short conversations,and before long,we became fast friends.We started having conversations online,every single day.I learned to enjoy her company,and in time,she stated how much she enjoyed my company as well.
I no longer felt lonely,but yet,I felt this feeling tugging at my heart.It was a feeling I had never felt.A feeling so indescribable,I could not even put it into words.No composition could contain such a beautiful feeling.I learned,that I've fallen in love with her.It was a satisfying feeling,that made my heart feel warm.It kept me warm and fuzzy inside.
However,due to some stories I've heard,I kept my feelings at a distance,making sure,I never cross that line.Foolishly thinking I could hold such a powerful force inside of me,I tried with all my might,but 1 day,I felt like I could no longer hold it in.It wasn't really my fault to begin with,and I couldn't really understand what was happening.
I thought of her all day long.I missed her so much.And all I wanted to do,was to show this affection to her,and to care for her.This thing called love,certainly has an effect,and it changed my life totally.1 day,I knew,I had to do something about this feeling within me.I knew the risk I was taking in doing so.
I faced 2 possibilities.The most obvious fear,was the fear of rejection,a feeling so painful,its caused some people to go into depression.Then,I could lose her friendship.A consequence so painful,I shuddered at the thought of it.I had grown accustomed to her company,and just the feeling of losing all that in a blink of an eye,made me freak out.
Then again,what if she accepts me?What if it all works out?Seventh heaven?Cloud 9?Deliriously overjoyed?I faced with 2 such decisions.I pondered about it for a long time,taking my time to digest,and prepare myself for every possible outcome.Do I really want this?Can I really handle the pain of being rejected?
Finally,I mustered the courage to do all of it on 1 lovely Monday night.I walked over to her place,and was just about to ring the doorbell,when I withdrew. "You can do this man.Just go for it." Again I tried to mobilize my finger to the doorbell,but yet again,I withdrew.At my final attempt,I managed to at least ring the buzzer.
Opening the door,she gave me that smile that immediately melted my heart.My knees turned into jelly.My palms started to sweat.And my tongue decided to get tongue-tied.I could actually hear my heart pound against the walls of my being.It all happened suddenly.Why?What's the cause of all this?I later realized that this happened to all guys.Its a process.
As we went in,and settled down to a nice bottle of champagne,I mustered the courage to confess.An uncomfortable silence filled the air.I stared down uneasily at my feet.I squirmed uneasily in my seat.Finally,a reply was given in a soft but sweet voice that had become the very rhythm of my heart.
I was stunned! "I stared at her with that eyes that said "I love you." We both smiled sheepishly and she giggled in excitement.As time went on,I realized that she was my world,she was my everything,that I loved her with all my heart.There wasn't a moment that passed by without me thinking of her.
Every moment spent with her,was like the best time of my life.As we progressed on,I realized that in order to love the way I should,I had to sacrifice a part of my life to her,and then only will I be able to share her life.This much I've learned,and this is the best opportunity life has ever presented to me.
I've realized what it means,to be in love.
-Matt-