Monday, September 04, 2006
*Bang* Another bullet tears through my flesh,pierces the skin,and gets lodged inside.Sensing a pain,I collapsed on the ground.Looks like I've been further decapicated by life's friggin circumstances.It didn't look so bad at 1st,but now,it looks like,I'm down on the ground,picking up myself,with a wounded limb. Been a long day.Recorded the stupid radio program thingy at the recording studio.Spent 4 friggin hours there doing nothing but recording.What a bore!Well,at least its done with.So glad!Been doing a bit of thinking.Was considering a 180 degree change.Maybe I'll consider changing myself in this aspect. Being emo sucks.Someone once told me,that being emo,in a way,is rather good as well.Its being different from the norm,standing out from everyone else.I see it does more harm than good.Been trying not to be emo,but when it happens,it sucks real bad.The after-effects can be devastating. I think by being emo,I'm being an extra burden.After doing some major pondering and thinking,I guess I'll change,for the better,for us.Still trying to digest it.Will take some time.Perhaps,by changing,I can counter this faster,and it won't affect me that badly. Who knows?Then again,the challenge lies in changing myself from who I am.Its gonna be tough,but I'll definitely try.Nobody likes changes.I for 1 hate it,but I've got a motivation so huge,I feel I can do so much more stuff I would never have thought of.This will be interesting. An interesting tagline I found. "Love transcends any boundaries." -Matt-
Without a doubt,circumstances sometimes SUCK!They torture the crap outta you.I'm down and injured,and the only thing I can think about is...you.I know you're gonna be there for me,cause we're both in this together.How you can just sit back and endure,I really can't comprehend.Once-twice a week opportunities are just to little to withhold,withdraw,keep a distance and stay away.
Its anticipated,looked forward to with such an exuberance of energy and excitement,and then,when the day comes,I gotta backoff?Its like there's gonna be an invincible wall just between us.What the heck?It hurts me so bad.There's so many restrictions and "don't do's" that seems to unveil itself in a neverending list.
This is the latest setback yet.A major drawback.Its wounded me so bad,that it'll take me a few days just to recuperate from this.What do you do when love is restricted to just words,and not transmitted through actions?Its unbelievable pain and torture.So close,yet so far.Life doesn't really treat me kindly,by adding all these unnecessary circumstances.
They say "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." True,but its extreme pain,and it sucks when finally,your hear grows fond,and you can't do anything to satisfy it.Its gonna be 1 heck of a long time more before the next school holidays are actually here.A long wait to test my patience,and how strong the bond is.
Definitely,my feelings,or my emotional pulses from my beating heart,as how I like to put it will never change.Not only do I have to wait till the next school holidays come,but now,on a weekly basis,I can't even satisfy this deep longing?An emotion so deep,it cuts right through the heart; an emotion I term as,insatiable deep longing,and to miss someone.
Is this some kinda test?Sigh...What can I say?Improvise?I can't think of anything.Gonna just take time to swallow this pill in.Its bitter,and painful to say the least,but well,I've gotta think of whatever positives I can get from this situation.At least I've got you.I guess you're the real motivation,a real drive that pushes me to do what I need to do.
Maybe that'll be able to steady this emo crap that seems to get worse by the minute.Looking forward,I'm gonna start looking for a short-term solution,or some kinda provision just to get us through till the next school holidays come.Till then,I guess this is some kinda preparation for the upcoming hurdles we might face in the future.
I guess the biggest positive is that I've learned to appreciate whatever little time we've had and we'll have.Without a doubt,it has made me love you more.I'm so sure,that whatever may come our way,I've got you,and the future looks brighter than ever.This minor setbacks,will be a sample,of what we may have to go through for us.
I tend to make a mountain out of a molehill.Its like,the emoness amplifies the problems we face.Add insecurity,and you've added oil into the fire.I just thank God for you.I can always lean on you.You're my biggest supporter.I hope I'll be able to accept this fact soon,and just really find at least a temporary solution.I've already found a possible 1.Just waiting for the right time to execute it,and to obtain your opinion.
Are things gonna be different now?I hope not.Just gonna tone it down a lil I guess,if thats okay with you.Things are really going well,and I don't wanna lose it.Gotta keep up the momentum.I love you too much to change the way things are going,but it'll definitely be toned down a lil.
Wait for me...
-----------------------------------------------------