Wednesday, September 20, 2006
A day that was expected to be normal,turned out to be some sucky day.Was so terribly stressed and tired.Things couldn't be any worse.Started out with yesterday night being messed up.Electricity went off at 7pm and only got it back at 10pm.So friggin pissed.How can they do this to me?
I felt so lost without the internet,disconnected from the rest of the world,disconnected from you.Lost,without you.Just couldn't stand 1 night away from you.Disheartened.Continued on till the morning,and I went to college half-dead.It doesn't stop there.I was somehow made fun of jokingly,for my 'banana' status.
It sucks so bad.My self-confidence has been dashed to pieces again.When I started thinking of how bad a 'banana' I was,I just felt that I was not worthy of you.I always pushed myself to the max I can,and that was,to be as perfect as I could in your eyes,but I guess,I'm not that perfect.It just sucks cause of this.
I feel dejected,and I just couldn't get this feeling away.I feel so not perfect.As usual,I expect the best out of myself,and to give my best in whatever I do,and to be the best,especially to you.I feel like I've let you down,disappointed you,and I can't be as perfect as I want myself to be to you.Insecurity factors.I'm so sorry.
As if it wasn't bad enough,my brother had to be a jerk when I came back.Just kinda pissed me off so bad.Sigh...Just 1 of those days I suppose.It sucks kinda bad.Just 1 of those days when things aren't working out,and nothing seems to go right.I hope I'll be able to pull myself outta this. =/
-Matt-