Thursday, August 17, 2006
Whats this I'm feeling?Insecurity?No wait,it can't be.Delving deeper,I became fed up,tired,and without wanting to go through the same thing again.It was all too routine.Everyday's the same day.The same thing happens to me over and over again.Even starting to accept it just as it comes by.Whats happening to me?
To live without a care in the world,is a luxury that only kids can afford to have.How I miss those days.There was nothing to worry about.Even offending people wasn't a big thing,as people would look on and not take it to heart,knowing that kids are being kids.Everything was provided.There was no earthly lust for things that we could not obtain.
Ignorance is bliss.Indeed,it is,but nowadays,I question this statement too often.As far as I know it,there's no such thing as bliss when it comes to ignorance.It looked more like ignorance is idiotic.This is the 3rd day in a row,and I'm still feeling that weight upon my shoulders.Gotta get it off somehow.But how?If there's no way,look to time,but time has always played me like a fool.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have reverted to this.My perspective changed so suddenly.I know that if I don't change this viewpoint,its gonna hurt me back.Life can't get any more complex than this.Added with the inferior complexity and the insecurity factor,you've got a disaster in your hands,a crisis.
I require major time off.Just need to put those bits and pieces together,and chuck it aside.Its gonna be hard work.My mind's a mess,and this could take time,again.Thinking straight now is an impossible task.Thinking rasionally,sounds extremely stupid.Trying to move into the path that I was in before this.
Too many decisions,too many problems,too many crosspaths,too many uncertainties,too many realities to face up to,too much unnecessary stress,too much stupidity in the air,and so many wounds to attend to.Striving forward seems a wee bit to hard.Pressure seems to be everywhere I go.Gone were the days of living life the way it should be.
I've strayed too far from where I should be,bringing me to a byway,where I've never travelled before.Its so small,and taking it would mean facing possible challenging tasks straight up ahead,or even nothing at all,leading to a total dead end.Why would I even consider this path?Cause I've reached a dead end before.I definitely don't wanna reach another.
Waiting can be so torturing.It kills just to leave it all into the hands of another,as well as time.Waiting was never my thing,but I've learned to be patient at times.Trials and testings come too often,and I can't afford to be impatient.Its just that,the future's been cast into doubt.The question remains avoided.
The topic suggests waiting for another long period of time.Its not that I can't,but,everyday,is like another day,before I can finally reach the destination that will decide it all.Whether or not its gonna be a bright future,or a bleak 1 remains to be seen.Its a risk everyone takes in life.Life treats me viciously,giving me too many things to wait for.
My patience truly is being tested to its limit.How far it'll go,only time will tell.Keeping it in seems the hardest task at hand.It could take even longer than I anticipate.The current timeframe seems all too short.It'll probably carry on even further.Its no surprise that I'm starting to feel tired.Only sheer willpower and commitment will keep me through.
Looking straight ahead,this time,I don't see any light up ahead.The tunnel it seemed,had no ending,but there is.However,it seems to be an exceedingly narrow and small tunnel.It does indeed cover a rather long distance,and only walking through it,as time goes by,will I know whether its an ending,or a dead end.Only time will tell.
Patience is all I need.How long I'll last,I'm not sure.How long I'll be able to keep this up,I'm uncertain either.This will be the ultimate test of patience indeed.Without a doubt,everything is on the line.Its all in your hands,whether you like it,or not.Time goes by,as second by second,ticks by,I can only watch,and wait.
Day by day,time goes,all too slowly...
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Hmm,today didn't turned out that bad after all,though I still think its kinda routine-ish.Well,it was different in the sense,that I got my 1st semester exam results.Well,I was rather satisfied with my results.Straight A's!Okay,so I admit,I'm rather estatic.Its a huge relieve actually,cause if I don't get straight,next year,no scholarship.
This new semester,is already rearing its ugly head.It looks rather tough already.Its like we got double our assignments and exams compared to last semester.Sigh.But well,I really thank God!He's the 1 who really helped me through.Besides my lecturers,He deserves all glory!Yeah!Thanks so much Daddy!
Yeah.And to think only 5 peeps out of 46 peeps in class got straight A's.Stiff competition man!Haha,its a great feeling.Yet,I was bullied.They wanted me to spend them all,since I got straight!Crazy!Some more can suggest Chilli's.Crazy la!Haha.Went to 1U for lunch.Ate my favourite,Chicken Rice!Yeah.Gotta love em.
Went to arcade for awhile after that.Woo,I can drift in Daytona.Wonder if I can still drift in real life,hahaha.Hehe.Was cool.Came back to college,and had Business Communication.1st day of lecture,and had to do research already.Well,thats why its getting tougher.Gotta up my standard by a notch.Competition gonna be tougher.Everyone suddenly seemed more determined to study harder.
Had football after that.Sigh.Tiring,but good.Well,been an okay day.Gotta keep reminding myself,got 2 more semesters left to go,before I move into degree year.Need consistency,to keep up the good results,and continue my scholarship. =) Gonna be challenging,but with God's grace,anything can be done.Piano exam in 6 days time.Doom's day!Pray for me!
-Matt-