Saturday, August 19, 2006
Just feeling not right.Bewildered,confused.My mind's playing games again.I remember so vividly how this felt.Its that constant tagging at my heart.Its killing me.The pain is unbearable.I hold it in me,with no one to help me bear the burden.Its just so heavy,terribly overwhelming.I feel crushed.
Surrounded by my world of insecurity,I'm lacking that feeling of feeling secure,comforted, and loved.A thorn in the flesh,unwilling to release its venom from me.Destroying my capacity to think straight,I'm just a mindless slave,doing its bidding,without a will of my own,entangled in its tentacles that wraps itself around me.
Trapped in its lure,I'm unable to free myself,not by my own power anyway.Pushed to the limits at instances,I'm losing my sanity.Wearing a mask to hide its effects,and the toll it has taken on me,I'm unable to show myself for what I truly am.Afraid that 1 day,I'll no longer be able to be myself,and that of another person.
Until today,the source of my entanglement has yet to be revealed.I'm clueless as to why I'm caught in this,and why I'm fighting a war that I shouldn't be fighting.Trapped in a ghetto of heights beyond my reach,with no means to escape,damage limitation is all I can afford.I've resigned myself to facing this alone.
Its here that I stand,longing for that something extra,that something different,that something extraordinary.You may call this hope,but I call it,a wish,with near zero possibility.Its not wrong to make wishes is it?My definition of a wish,is a hope,that has almost no chance of coming true,and therefore,a wish,is hoping against hope,that it might come true.
Plagued by this kind of circumstances,I can just face it,and hope it'll damage me to the point of no recognition.There's nothing I can do.Just face it,and let time do the torturing.They say time kills the pain,but I feel otherwise.Weaponless,and unprepared,I stand here,facing this massive period,of solitude,as I suffer,in silence...
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Just gonna summarize what happened yesterday,as I'm in no mood whatsoever.After Healing Rally,we went off to Chris place,picked Barney and Phoebe,and went touring KL.As the coffeeshop only opens at 1am,we toured,looking for a place to chill,but unfortunately,we couldn't seem to find a place that was open at that kinda time.
It was history created,for I've never been allowed out of the house at that kinda time.Went touring around KL,before reaching the place at 1am.Had Nasi Kerabu,and the roti canai was the best I've ever tasted.It was excellent.I felt the true meaning,of being an 18 year old yesterday night.Thanks Chris for the wonderful supper,as well as the tour around KL.
Twin Towers,if you can spot it.
A better view of the twin towers.
Nasi Kerabu.Rather delicious.
And the amazingly delicious roti canai.
L-R:Barney,Eu Jin,Phoebe,and Chris.(Plus Linda and me,not in the pic)
Yeap.Thats about it.Reached home at about 2.40am.Hopefully Linda didn't get any sort of punishment for being late.Peace out.
-Matt-