Sunday, August 13, 2006
Just reached back from church.Practise lasted until so late,but we sound good.Trailblazers,here we come.Though it was tiring,but yeah,it was good.Sunday's are the only tiring days,where I don't feel so tired,due to the fact,that I enjoy my Sunday's.It was 1 of those really nice Sunday's.Its real good to be refreshed in the presence of God.At least it made up for those past 2 days.
Still feeling that feeling of worthlessness.Still angry at what I heard a few days back.This might stick with me for a long time.I'll never forget what has been said.Its just gonna stick with me for a long time.But well,at least I'm feeling better.Linda came back to church today.Was good to see her.Relieved.Don't need to explain yourself.I'm just glad you're alright.Its been awhile.Missed talking to you. =)
Just feel really really patronized.I know I'm being looked down on.I just know that as long as people know who I am,for who I really am,then there'll always be that feeling of "Poor kid,he's such a loser,a wimp..." and the list goes on and on.They might not say it,but deep inside,I can see it in their eyes,hear it from 3rd parties,and so on.
I don't blame anyone.I just get really mad.Then again,I self-patronize as well.Who can blame me?I don't think I'm that nice after all.What it feels like,to know that someone looks down on you,but doesn't tells you.I'm gonna tell you straight in your face.I don't care.You can stop pretending to be my friend.I really don't care.If you think I'm a loser,a wimp,a jerk,a dumb ass,be that way.
Its because of people like you,who put on masks,and pretend to be nice and all,when deep inside,you think something else.I really don't care.Its all cause of you,that I feel worthless,and I've lost any sense of feeling secure.For the 1st time in my life,I feel insecure.You've scarred me for life.Now I feel like I'm never good enough for anyone.Thank God He thinks I am.I just don't know if anyone can ever make me feel that I'm good enough.Scarred!No thanks to you.I've even reached the point,where I patronize myself so badly,and degrade and look down on myself.
Just leave me alone!Enough is enough.I've had it.I'll carry this scar with me.Its a reminder,definitely.Even if I could turn back time,I don't think that would have stopped what I was told that day.It'll still turn out this way.So yeah,leave me alone.I don't care what you wanna do,just don't do it to me.I'm done.Enough said,before I cross the line,and go as low as you by degrading you further.I'm not like you.
-Matt-