Monday, August 07, 2006
If it means turning away from my dreams,my hopes,then I will.It just sucks realizing the fact,that I'm never gonna get what I want.Then again,I expected it didn't I?Just another case of expectations and overconfidence thrown away,crushed and destroyed,by my own stupidity. If you guys need any details,you know how to contact me.Its gonna be awesome.Altered Frequency is gonna be there!You don't wanna miss it.Directions can be given.Its in Section 19.Don't miss it,seriously.Here's an added incentive to come.My bands presenting as well.So those of you who call yourselves my friends,better make an initiative to come and support my band. My singing ain't that bad,though it ain't the best voice in the world,but come and support me anyway!Its gonna be awesome.
I guess I really have to disappear.I probably never should have stepped in to where I was anyway.Its a bit too late to regret,and life should never be full of regrets,but not too late to reverse the way I came in.As I quietly entered,so will I quietly exit.Its no wonder I was building sand castles in the air.I let myself get carried away with those dreams.
It was always a mere dream,a possibility too far to ever reach.Well,lying to myself didn't help either.Made things worse.Thats the only thing about hope.It gives you that false sense of confidence,that you can make it,that if only you try harder,reaching that 'impossible dream' wouldn't be a total letdown.
But as usual,I always end up the loser.Hope has made a fool outta me,and I'm a sucker for false hopes.In fact,it came to no surprise,that it turned out this way.Who could have argued that I would end up like this again?Thankfully,it was done with such discreet-ness,that my embarassment,won't be that bad.
I'll just know,that well,I'm not gonna regret it,cause like I mentioned earlier,life is too short to be full of regrets.I shall take it in stride,knowing,that well,stupidity and foolishness clogged my thinking process,and therefore,emotions followed soon after,dragged me down and finally,dumped me after it had no further use for me.
Its just all too familiar.Its become such a part of my life,that I don't know why,but I keep making the same mistakes,over and over again.See why I'm an idiot?Well,I'm not gonna pretend like its all alright.Not gonna hope that this is gonna be the last time either,cause as usual,its so unpredictable.It comes and goes,just like that.
Yeah,so maybe,I'll just disappear.Contemplating it.I'll probably make up my mind soon.Gotta really think it through.Tired of being the lapdog,and just listening obediently to the circumstances that hit me,1 after another.I'm gonna fight,and stand for what is right,me getting the best outta life,and nothing else matters.
Just lost it.All of it.I'm without a glimmer of hope,that spark.Only 1 thing can make me retract my steps,and change my mind,but then again,thats clinging on to a false sense of hope.Just don't know what to do,but disappear.As I contemplate,all kinds of stuff are running through my mind.Clueless as to what to do,or how you think.
I'm just sorry I caused all the trouble I did.I never really meant to,and for that,I sincerely apologize.It was indeed stupid of me,to say the least.It wasn't suppose to go this way.I wasn't even suppose to enter in,but I did,unknowingly,and I'm really sorry for that.The exit is still there,as I contemplate my next move.
Without any sense of direction.Vanishing into thin air before your very eyes,and meaning nothing at all,could be a reality happening very soon...
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A typical Monday,as I anticipated,with the exception of an extra piano class.So proud of myself.I actually managed to practise almost 2 hours in a row.What an achievement.Exams in less than 2 weeks time.Haha.Is it any surprise that I'm this lazy?
Hmm...Just started playing Maple yesterday,lol.Can't believe it,but I'm actually hooked on to it.Now I remember why I quit it last time.So terribly hard to level,especially when you start with nothing.Sad.Its a change.At least I don't get stressed up like I used to with Gunbound.
Just waiting for the week to pass by.Hopefully I'll be able to catch Pirates of the Caribbean 2 this week.I don't care if I have to go alone already,though I rather not.This might be the last week they're screening it.Thursday looks like the day most possible.
Well,at least I have some good news this week,for a change.I rarely get good news nowadays.Linda's doing alright.Called her up,and she's doing fine.Phew,what a relieve.Was rather worried that she might actually not come back to church.Thankfully,she's alright,or at least thats the impression she gave me.
And yes,the most important part of this post! H.Y.P.E.(Harvest Young People Ensenble) concert is here people.Its on the 2nd of September at my church,Harvest Community Church(HCC),starting at 6.30pm.The best part,its free!So you'd be totally STUPID if you didn't go for a youth concert thats free.
Guess that'll be all.If you need instructions and directions on how to go and stuff,contact me.Its easy to find.Just opposite Section 14.Peace out!Cheers!All the best to those peeps who are taking exams.Maple time,lol!
-Matt-