Monday, August 28, 2006
Its a Monday.Another new week.Hmm,my voice sounds rather gruffy.Probably due to the practise yesterday.Sigh,lacking the proper skill to sing properly.Guess I'm screaming more than I'm singing.Need to work it out.Hmm,its getting rather tiring.Taking a toll on me.Everything went smoothly yesterday in church.Nothing much happened.
Woke up with a rather confused mind,again.More confused than I ever was.I guess I can't deny it.I'm still torn.I can't believe it.I think I need to take the most drastic measure and decision possible.I really need to make the 1st move.Guess after reading her blog this morning,maybe I should stop thinking this way.I guess nothing is gonna come out of this.
My head! =( I can't handle it.This is too much pressure and stress.Eventhough I set a dateline last week while in PD,no moves were made,nor were any opportunities that was given taken.I know setting a time on this kinda stuff doesn't really work,but can you blame me?I can't just sit down and wait.Why did you have to bring this feelings back again if you're not gonna do anything??Damn it!!
I'm really sorry to someone else as well.I know you're gonna be reading this,but my mind's really confused now.Remember how I told you that if nothing came out of the trip,I'll know what to do.I'm so sorry,but,all the conversations I had told me otherwise,and convinced my heart so readily.I'm sorry dear.It looks like I still have not made up my mind either.I thought I had already,but it looks like I was totally wrong.I guess that makes the 2 of us.
But maybe,now its quite clear.Seems like I was really waiting in vain after all.I'm sorry.It'll take some time.I really wanna be true to you,but my heart is being seriously naive.Its going the opposite way.I guess it'll take time to be really true to what I feel.I can't believe I'm in this situation.Damn it damn it damn it!!
I was really sincere,but I can't take it anymore.Something's gotta give tonight.I'm gonna make a move either way.Darn it.This post sounds so emo!Argh,I hate myself!!I really ain't gonna sit down anymore.I can go either way.Seems like I'm heading more towards an unknown destination.I don't know.I just get so discouraged with what I read.
I know I'm on to something with you.I just know it.But yet,because of past memories,my heart is still more inclined towards her.Damn it!I can't even believe I'm posting this.I just gotta get this out of my system.I've been sincere.I know what I'm doing everytime I smsed you.I really do.I've meant everything I said.Its just that,my heart is playing a game on me.I'm gonna sort this thing out as soon as possible.
I'm revealing my weaknesses on my blog.Oh crap.I'm going nuts.I can't handle it.Why me? =( Bulldozing my way through it didn't work I guess.It was suppose to be a single path from then on,but it seems like,I've created another crosspath for me.Thus,the tough decision and the confusion that is running amok in my mind.I don't even recognize myself anymore.
Its really now or never.Its A,or B.My heart's still torn into pieces.Knowing my history,I shouldn't even be thinking twice,but I am.Shows I'm just a weakling,falling victim to my emoness.Taken advantage of,by its venemous sting.Its gonna be 1,or the other.I gotta make up my mind and make a move,or I'm gonna mess up my life again.I'm gonna solve this mess tonight.I ain't gonna wait anymore.Just hang in there dear,for me.
Tomorrow by Avril Lavigne
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't
When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...
[Chorus:]
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't
Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...
[Chorus:]
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...
Tomorrow it may change [4x]
-Matt-