Saturday, August 26, 2006
Defeat is what pulls you down,slaps you in the face,punches you in the belly,sends a note out to your brain,and teaches you a good lesson.Won't really consider it a defeat,but I guess,I've learned more about myself and other people.I guess I decided to end it 1 day earlier.Observation was tiring.
Even waiting,was really killing me.I guess some thing's in life aren't just meant to be.My decision has definitely been made up,though suddenly,my plan for the not-so-distant future has been dented,and probably won't be fixed,depending on what happens next.All that fiddling,observing,and waiting was in vain I guess.
Had a lot of time to think in PD,and observe.Guess I know what to do now.After all,I've been lenient enough,been nice enough,even been patient enough,but well,I guess there's no point in that.Decision day was even pushed forward to yesterday,but I decided,24 hours more couldn't hurt.So I waited till 3 days were over.
Well,opportunities are given,and taken.Have given out quite a lot in the past few days while my mind was making up its decision,and since they weren't taken,I guess I laboured in vain,and pushed my imagination too far.Well,it is a relief to get this weight off my shoulders.Its just a part of my life which has a never-ending saga,till a decision is made.
Was in a bad mood,particularly yesterday night.I just couldn't think straight.My plan for the not-so-distant future hit another dead-end.Depending on how things go for the next couple of days,I might have to call it off.Leaves me totally without a plan,and I guess,I'll be able to push this aside and concentrate on more important things.Reconstruct a new plan maybe?
Quite frustrated to be honest,but well,life has its fair share of victories and defeat.They both come hand in hand and are part and parcel of life.Sure victory is sweet,but defeat helps us to build character and brings us 1 step closer to understanding our weaknesses and downfalls.I guess I already know my weakness.Just gotta work on it.
If the not-so-distant future seems to be bleak,I guess,then I'll really be able to mold and reconstruct myself towards being a better person.Sigh,wished I could just get my life straight,know what's gonna happen,and work towards it.If not,I'll just take another path in 1 of life's crosspaths.
I guess doing all that thinking while I was having my holiday helped cleared my mind as well.I know what I want.Sadly,what I want doesn't really mean I'll be able to achieve it.Sigh,my head's still pretty much in a mess,only,less messier.With literally nothing at all,yesterday,I felt really down.I just looked at the circumstances,and allowed it to overtake me.
Yeah,I shouldn't,but I just had to.God knows what He has for me.In the mean time,I just gotta work with what I have,and what I don't have.Things don't always work the way we like it,but then again,if it did,do we need God?Thats why He's a genius.I love Him,and I know when everyone else arounds me fades away,deserts me,pushes me away,He's the only one who loves me for the way I am.
Gotta keep telling myself,that well,He holds my future in His hands.Its been a pretty challenging week for me,especially when you think too much,it gets to ya.Just gotta trust Him.
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On another note,here are some pics I took at PD.Enjoy!
Brandon and me.
A view of the beach.
Part of the scenary when we trekked up to the lighthouse.
This tree is covered with thorns,literally,from top to bottom.
Tanjung Tuan lighthouse.
Another view of the lighthouse.
A magnificent view from the cliff.
Another view of the beach.
We trekked up to Tanjung Tuan lighthouse at 7.30.Its in Melaka.So I was in Negeri Sembilan and Melaka on that same day.Thats the thing that was cool.The food was excellent throughout.Thats about it,I guess.Not in the mood to talk about this,as you can plainly see.
Managed to drive back all the way from PD.Its a good feeling,to drive on a highway.Different from the normal roads I usually take.Get to drive faster than my usual speed.Got to catch up with Brandon,especially about Maple.Sigh,well,guess thats about it.Don't feel like going any further.
-Matt-
PS: H.Y.P.E. Concert is next Saturday.6.30pm.Harvest Community Church,Section 19.Message me for details.
H.Y.P.E. T-shirts are out! RM20 only! Get them while stocks last. =P