Wednesday, July 05, 2006
As I opened my eyes,I realized my alarm clock had been ringing for quite a while.Realizing that it was a bit late,I got up,and did what I had to do.Then I realized,that the same thing was bugging me again this very morning.I couldn't believe it.With another full day coming up,and another exam,I had to 1st fight against myself.I have to get this thing out of my system.
I just know that,if I don't get it out,I'll breakdown,any moment.It was as important as that.I just can't handle it anymore.Its worse than stress.I'm hoping I'll just pull through today,and then by tonight,I should be able to flush this out of my system.Now,the same concern I had yesterday,is a constant haggle inside my mind.Will I be able to concentrate on the exam today?
I wished with all my heart,and pray,that today,I'll be able to make it.Today happens to be the last day of exam,and yes,its all coming now at the wrong time.As I prepare myself mentally,I gotta be alert,ready to face the exam.I now realized the importance,of letting it all out.Keeping it inside,has done so much damage,that I don't know myself sometimes.I just can't recognize myself at times,because of how much its damaged me.
Not to mentioned I woke up at 3 am to watch the Germany vs Italy match.After full time,I was too tired and it was getting boring,so I went back to sleep,when I should have stayed up and watch Italy win 2-0 after extra time.Stupid Italy.Should have scored earlier,then I wouldn't miss the goals.As I sit here,I'm trying to recollect my mind,focus on the task ahead,and hopefully,make it through today.Then I should be fine by the end of this very hectic week.All I can do now,is hope,and pray....
If not,God help me,as I am so close to falling into that breakdown period.This may be it...I'll need whatever strength that is left in me,whatever little motivation I have,just to make it through today...This is it...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back from college.The last of the Phase 2 Exams are finally over.Now gotta get ready for the finals at the end of this month.Thank God I made it through today.After finishing my English exams,I could finally start worrying about what was left inside.Just gotta let it all out.Sad to say,I'm disappointed on how our drama is progressing.Today's practise was 1 of the worst.
I really don't blame any of my group members,just,my group leader for picking such a stupid storyline.I'm sorry to say this,but it really sucks.I'm more or less resigned to losing whatever marks this drama thingy carries.So,I just gotta rely on my exam marks.Finals will be extremely important.I did however,learn a few things,as we always do from mistakes.
Firstly,I'm never gonna go into drama for the rest of my college life,ever,unless,its someone who I know is capable of doing a good job,or its me leading the team.That way,I can accept that we lose because of my own doing,and not because someone else chose a stupid storyline.Secondly,never open my big mouth too fast,without thinking of the consequences.We should never have been so enthusiastic about doing the drama.How I wished we never agreed on the drama and kept to doing Radio DJ-ing or the book summary thingy.
Thirdly,we should speak up when we're not happy with something,like say,speaking your mind out when something's bothering you,even if it means going against the norm.As a group,we all wanted the idea that was laid down by Ms. Irene.Unfortunately,Sam wanted his stupid idea.As the assistant,I submitted,for as it says in His word,we must submit to leaders.However,I do find that at times,we must make a stand for what we want.Finally,never ever follow.If you have the chance,take the lead.If I knew I was gonna do the script anyway,I would have volunteered to be the director,instead of letting someone else take the role.The reason?Simple,its cause I didn't wanna do the script,thats why,I wasn't keen on directing.Unfortunately,I still had to.Thats why I'm so angry.
Its time's like this,that I think,this phrase is suitable. "If you want something to be done,do it yourself." Here's a lil something that has the same meaning,but I made it up,just to let go of my anger. "Never let a monkey,do a man's job." No offence,but I'm utterly disappointed.If you wanted the stupid storyline,you gotta make sure it works.I'm so sure that if we had gone with Ms. Irene's idea,we would be so confident and prepared by now.Sigh...we learn from mistakes,I guess.
Well,this is our last week to practise,so whatever comes,comes.Screw it if it doesn't work out,which it most probably won't.I'll be so glad to finish this and get it over with.So much for a good ending to my week.Still got 2-3 more days to practise.When I'm done,I'm gonna take that long needed break,right after I'm done with my finals.I so need a break right now.
Well,as the clock ticks,I'm just waiting.The stupid Germany vs Italy match.I saw until full time.Didn't look like there was gonna be any goals in extra time,and I thought it would go into penalties.So I went to sleep.Suddenly in the morning,2-0 after extra time to Italy.I was so mad.Wasted.Should have stayed up for the half an hour to finish watching the game.Another surprise,though Italy were definitely the better side.
Tomorrow morning,3am,France vs Portugal.Though I doubt I'll wanna see it.Boring...Prediction?France! But my prediction's not very good.Last night was Germany,and they lost.Who know's?Portugal vs Italy final?Well,thats about it.Sigh...Can't wait for next week to come and go.Next week's our final week for the semester too.
Oh yeah,got my Econs Phase test 1 Exam results.So angry! Only got 89! What the heck?Highest 92.5! 3 people in the class only got 90 and above.Ms. Liyana said I should have gotten 90.Sigh,but every decimal point counts.She probably won't add 1 more mark just for me to reach 90.Sadz! IT also only 47/60! Gosh,finals gotta study hard and score like mad.
Well,lets hope I'll solve everything by tonight.Wish me luck.Have a good week peeps.Cheers.Peace out!
Signing out,
-Matt-
PS:Seems like I've broken my promise.Nowadays,I still go online every night.Such irony.Guess I can't live without going online?But maybe its just cause of what I've been going through this past few days. =(
Another PS:What do you think is going on if a girl smses a guy every night?She has a crush on him?Or is he being perasan? =S