Saturday, July 15, 2006
It was the day when our youth band made its mark,with a convincing worship session that leaves no doubt in my mind,that we have the talent.Indeed,I was nervous,but when I got up there,I thank God for the peace that he gave me.I worshipped led today,for the 1st time.
Thank God everything went smoothly.I'm just glad.I wished we can take over more often.It was great.Just didn't end well.I was friggin jealous.Barney kept claiming something that wasn't his.What the heck.He even stole my seat.I'm not pissed at him.I'm just pissed at myself.I'm no good.I'm not worth loving,and I don't deserve to love.I'm not good enough.But if he takes my seat tomorrow,I'm so gonna be pissed.
I managed to put my thoughts aside,but after I finished worship leading,I just couldn't help it.I started to think again.I just started to ponder where I now stand in your life.I know you're reading this.I just wanna know where I stand right now.I wanna know.Tell me what I hope to hear.I wanna know that I'm still important to you.I just wanna know how you're feeling right now.
I don't care if anyone else reads it.Nobody cares.Somehow,I get the feeling that I'm not that important anymore.You didn't give a damn when I was in such a bad state tonight.You didn't even ask how I was doing.I felt like a nobody to you.I wanted to spend that time with you,but someone else took your time away from me.Do you even wanna spend that time with me?Do you even still look at me with that special look in your eyes?Do I still hold that special place?
Do you still see me in that perspective?Can you tell me that it'll never end in that same way again?I want it to last,but do you?There's so much I wanna say,but you wouldn't let me.You wouldn't give me a chance to talk to you.So,I'm here expressing myself.I want to know that I mean something,that I'm important to you.
I'll be waiting for your reply.I want to know,if you still wanna continue.I wanna know,whether you'll change,for us.I wanna know.Till then,you still own this special spot in my heart.Nothing on this Earth,can take that place away from you.I'll be waiting...
-Matt-