Saturday, June 24, 2006
Like clockwork,the alarm clock rang,giving me the wake up call.As I glance out of the window,the blinding rays of sunlight pierced my eyes.In 1 quick motion,I turned off the alarm clock,and headed for the balcony,just outside my room.With each staggering step,I began to regain alertness.Looking at the sun,I realize,its the dawn of a new day.With feelings of uncertainty,I whispered a prayer to God,and headed for the bathroom,to prepare for the routine life in college.
As I grabbed a slice of toast,and shoved it into my mouth,I hurried towards my car,started up the engine,and sped off to college.Weaving in and out of traffic,I ran through my schedule for the day.Seemed like it was gonna be the same routine stuff to do.As I dashed towards my 1st class,I couldn't help but feel that something was amiss,that it wasn't gonna be any 'normal' day.
Brushing aside those thoughts as possibly just mere random thoughts,I started to shift my concentration on the lecture.As lunch hour approached,I turned to my friend and asked, "Hey,wanna go out for lunch together later?" To my surprise,he replied that,he was already going out with another friend of his.Disappointed that he should turn my offer down for the 1st time,decided to ask my other friend.
I got the same reply.Something was absolutely wrong.I started to think if I had accidently offended anyone.Lost in my world of thoughts,I had lunch on my own.Couldn't possibly figure out what was wrong.So I left it as that.Later on,I found out that something was wrong on an even larger scale.It was worse than I originally thought.My friends,were living their lives,and I was not included.
I seemed to be pushed aside,and ignored.I suddenly felt something I've never felt before,deep anguish,dejection,rejection and loneliness.It had such a devastating effect on me,that I lost all focus.I realized,that unknowingly,my friends had deserted me.I couldn't seem to mix with anyone like I used to.It was then,that I realized,that,my so-called friends,were just mere temporal friends.
I started to miss my high school buddy.However,1 fine day,as I walked alone,in eerie silence,I bumped into a girl. "Sorry,I didn't see you in front of me," was my 1st reaction to the incident.As I bent down to help her pick up the books,I introduced myself. "Hi,I'm Rick." After proper introductory was made,we parted ways and headed towards our respective classes.
During lunch,as I ate my lunch,she came and sat down on my table.I was surprised to see her again.Had an hour long chat,and found out,that she was going off to another college in 3 months time.It soon became a daily activity to meet up and chat.As time passed,we became close friends,so close,that we were literally unseparable.We became best of friends.Problems,secrets,you name it,we shared it.
The day came when she 'migrated' to the other college.It was with a heavy heart that I waved goodbye.Promised to keep in touch,and just knowing that made me feel happy.1 week passed.2 weeks passed.We messaged every night through Short Messaging Service(SMS).We kept in constant communication through the internet.She kept telling me how much she missed my company,and I felt likewise.
It came to a point,that I realized,I have crossed the line of being a normal friend.I realized how badly I missed her.I wanted to spend every second with her.When we talked online,or through SMS,I realized how happy it made me.It brought a smile across my face.It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.I realize,that I've fallen in love with her.However,I kept the matter pertaining her inside,as for fear of losing her as a friend.
Soon,we were going out once every 1-2 weeks.1 day,I couldn't take it any longer.I was bursting with excitement,yet,nervousness was running throughout my entire being.My palms started to sweat.My heart was beating so fast,it felt like a bullet train.My knees were knocking together,and I was shivering in my shoes.I finally had the guts to tell her how I felt right after we had a movie together.
Expecting instant rejection and humiliation,she confessed to hiding those same feelings I had for her.It was an enormous relieve.That sparked off the best moment in my life.Though distance kept us apart,but the wonders of modern communication through technology ensured that we kept in constant touch.It seemed like everything was a bed of roses.I no longer felt the sense of loneliness that I once felt.
Just when everything was going well,I received a call from my girlfriend. "Baby,I need to speak with you.Is it possible to talk it over dinner tonight?" I replied with a simple "Yeah,sure." As we disengaged on the phone,I could sense something was wrong.Her voice sounded shaky on the phone.I started worrying.However,at exactly 7,I reached her house and picked her up for dinner.
As we enjoyed each other's company,we headed for a walk through the part after dinner.It was a full moon that night.The most possible romantic situation I could ask for.As we sat down on the bench,I held her in my arms,and posed her the question, "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" In the nicest way possible,she looked me in the eye,and told me straight, "I'm afraid this is our last date,I want a break-up."
Taken aback,I asked her why.With tears in her eyes,she ran off,and before I could follow her,she disappeared into the night.I was heartbroken.Yet,I tried to call her.She didn't want to answer my calls.My messages seem to go unanswered.And I never saw her online again.In frustration and anger,I let it all out.I cried every single night.It was heartwrenching.I became and introvert.I kept to myself.
Depression and loneliness took over again,the same feelings I had when I felt abandoned by my friends.I've just lost,my sunshine,my joy,and my best friend.I was afraid to open up to anyone again.I never did see her again....Until,6 months later,I received an e-mail from her.I hesitated to open it,and I was still so mad at her,that I wanted to delete it.However,my heart told me to go on and read it.
As I opened the e-mail,there before my very eyes,lay an exceedingly long letter.I soon found out,that she was in Australia.Her dad had accepted a job as an Executive Manager in a big company 6 months ago,and that was the reason she had to leave me.As I read the letter,tears came streaming down my face.I was in disbelief that she didn't tell me.All because she couldn't take leaving me and she was afraid I couldn't accept it.She had suffered a great deal,and had cried every single night.
That night,she finally came online.I wasn't satisfied.So I asked for her contact number,and I called her.After what seemed like eternity,we got to hear each other's voice.Over tears,she apologized.Right there,all the hatred and anger that I harboured left me.After the end of that long conversation,I told her, "I've forgiven you,and I miss you so." She too confessed her longing for my company.
From that day on,our friendship was restored.We became friends again.I still couldn't help but still feel lonely,as I missed her terribly.As I looked at the future,I realized,I had to start anew.I missed her still,with longings that cannot be expressed with words,but I knew,she was gone forever,to a world to distant from mine.It is now,that I understand what utter loneliness is...I still hoped that 1 day,I'll be able to find a friend,that'll always be there everytime I need someone to talk to...After all,life without friends,is a life of loneliness.
Done by -Matt-
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A story that I just thought of writing down.The characters are non-fictional.I find it the best way of expressing myself.Its when I have no outlet to pour out what I'm feeling or how I feel,when there's nobody to talk to,I'll just write whatever comes to my head.A new way to let out stuff?Yeah,by writing stories.
I thank God that He's always there for us.More than ever,I wish He would somehow comfort me,as I need it more than ever.We need friends and family more than anything else in the world.It is now,that I realize the importance of friends.As I venture deeper into college life,I hope to make more friends.
Not just mere friends,but best friends,who'll be there when you need them,who are always ready to lend their shoulder to cry on,who'll always be there to hear you out when you most need them,who'll rejoice with you when you have found happiness,and to add in the flavour and spice into my life.Without friends,we'll all die.Everyone needs a real and true friend.Only God can be the ultimate friend.He's always there for you,though you may not know it.
God's always my best friend,no doubt about that,but sometimes,He seems rather distant.But I know for sure,He's still here for me.Though I'm feeling lonely right now,and there's no one to talk to,I'll just keep praying,for in Him,I'll find rest,strength,and the will to carry on.For God,is my ultimate friend.
Here's a tip.Ditch those lame sad love songs.They don't help.Trust me.They make you feel all down and depressed.They made me cry everytime I listen to those.So just ditch those.Listen to upbeat songs.Say like Fall Out Boy!They totally rock.Music is 1 of my longest best friend that has NEVER EVER left me.
Signing out,
-Matt-