Friday, June 16, 2006
Dear Daddy,
Today's my 1st bloggie just for You.Though I know that you've always been reading my bloggie,but I thought its time I started talking directly to You.You know I love You so very much.You've been with me ever since I was born.You made me.You shaped me.You planned my life.And most of all,You were there when I was born,there to nurture me,to hold my hand,and walk me through life.
I know You probably know what I'm going through right now.You've been with me for 18 years now.Thats a long time.In my earliar days,I never really experienced Your love for me.All I looked up to You as,was my Heavenly Father,someone,who I followed,and worshipped,just because I was so-called 'borned' into church.Was more like a ritual kinda thingy.A routine.A way of life.
I even did everything the other Christians did.Sing songs.Close eyes and pray.Devotion every morning.Everything my parents thought me to do.I've never really been hit with a crisis,till this year.Been through the worst crisis of my life.I know,there was a period of time,where I was rebellious,and I hurt You so bad.But now,more than ever,going through the crisis,You've held my hand,and You still are,even as I continue to make my way out of this mess.
I've never really felt Your love so deep before.Its now,that I know,that You love me so much.And You will forever be my best friend.I just wanna ask You for a favour,Daddy.I hope you'll continue to hold on to my hand and guide me through.I know for sure,that its all in Your plan.Though I don't know why this has happened to me,I still believe its for a reason.I may not see it now,but I'm sure,You'll show me 1 day.
Its Your comforting words that keep me going.I now know,that I have nothing to live for.I've lost 'everything',so to speak.But You're the only reason why I'm still living.There were so many times,where I wish You would just take me back to Heaven.I wished for Your return,when You'll come back for me.I wanna be in Your embrace.I wanna go back home,where there'll be no more tears.And I'll never remember this pain again.But I know,that in Your timing,You will return for me,someday.Obviously,You have a lot more for me to accomplish before I go back home.Thats why,You're the reason I'm living today.Without You,I would have lost all hope,all direction,all reason to live.
I just miss You so.That day,when I cried out to You,and I asked You,in tears,"This wonderful beach You have created,its so wonderful,so much bigger than me,but if You compare the awesomeness and the beauty of the beach with me,I'm nothing,but I wonder,do You still love me?" And I heard Your still small voice saying,"I'll always be here for You and will always love You.I'll be here to comfort You." Its then,that I realized,that Your love is unconditional.Men's love is always conditional,but Your love,has no limits,no boundaries.You've loved me all the while,whether I've been obedient,or defiant.
Daddy,I hope you'll take away all my hurts and pains,for I know,that You're the only 1 who can do so.I just pray that You'll be with me for the rest of my life.I'm tired of looking.I leave it in Your hands.All I need,is to excel in my studies and be successful in life,doing Your will.Then,I hope,I'll make You proud,cause thats all I live for now,is to make You proud,and to do what You want for my life.I'm so thankful You're my Daddy,who's always looking out for me.Here's a lil something I wrote for You.
When nobody was there for me,You were always there.
When I put on that smile,and laughed,and enjoyed Your creations,You smiled along.
When I was tired and worn-out,You carried me,gave me rest, and showed that You cared.
When I was depressed,broken,and sad,You collected my tears and cried along with me.
When I went through life's down's,You were always there for me though I didn't know it.
When I needed love,comforted me,and showed me Your love,which will never die.
You're my best friend,the reason I'm living,my everything.
Your son,
-Matt-