Monday, May 29, 2006
Ever got hurt by someone so bad,who doesn't even care what happens to you,and you can't pick yourself up?*Sigh* I had a lousy night. I can't believe it but I actually cried. For the very 1st time, I cried not because I was punished,or not I was watching a sad story.I cried because it hurts.1st time in my life I ever cried over something like this.
Not only that,couldn't sleep for 2 hours and only had 5 hours of sleep.Now,this never happens.I always sleep like a baby.Put me in bed and I'll doze off pretty fast.I just wanna thank my favourite cousin in the whole wide world,my dearest Ashley.If you're reading this,you're the best cousin in the world.Thanks for staying up till 2 in the morning just to chat and sms.And those loads of advices you gave me.I owe you 1.I'll treat ya this Friday? =/
Now I'm so tired,I hope I'll be able to concetrate in college.Its just not the tiredness,I'm just not in the mood to do anything already.Thankfully,my exams are over,except for the Econs paper on the 15th of June.So I have about 2 weeks to recover.Sounds impossible,but well,I gotta try.Its strange,but I've never felt this sad before.
Even rejection never tasted this bitter before.*Sigh* Wonder if I'll ever open up again.it just sucks so bad.I'v experienced the highest and the best moment in my life, as well as the lowest and the worst moment in my life,all in the short time of 1 and a half month's.Well,so much for being nice.All the perceptions and the lies.Still can't believe it happened.
But,maybe I only have myself to blame.I guess,its my responsibility.So maybe I deserved such a cruel ending?Maybe...So many "maybe's." I guess,I went against my better judgement.Hoping against hope that it'll never happen,but it did.In a way,I guess I'll learn to choose my friends more carefully,like they say "Never judge a book by its cover."Guess I should have known better.Looks can be deceiving...
I think I look like a panda now.Gotta do alot of stuff.Lets see if I can survive through today.Maybe I'll blog again later.This sad depression thingy's really getting on my nerves.I hate myself for being so weak,but yet,I can't help but wonder,that maybe it isn't that bad after all.Maybe being weak isn't so bad after all,because I've never felt this weak and helpless before.The only thing I can hope for is,that the hatred generated inside of me won't last long.
After all,how can you hate someone you love so much?I guess the truth is,I'm stupid.Stupid enough,to ever fall into this.But I've learned from it.A valuable lesson in life.And maybe,someday...I'll forgive myself.The ironic thing is,Chris just spoke about "Failure" yesterday.Wonder if it applies to me...Guess I'll be back here after college.See if there's anything to blog about.
Signing out,
-Matt-